He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
