I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
