It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
