i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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