You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
