who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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