So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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