I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
