Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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