the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
