my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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