i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
