You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
