Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
