It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
