I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
