Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
