We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The adults are the big ones right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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