I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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