yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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