I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
