I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
two words...techno handjob
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
