he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The best revenge is premature balding
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
