I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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