ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
