How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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