Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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