I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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