Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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