Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
