I am puke
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
