I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
