you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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