vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
