Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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