i think i have herpe
just one?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think a kid would responsible me up
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
