Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
