He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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