Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
