His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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