awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
