You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
