Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
