two words: eviction party
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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