she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
