Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
