Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
