bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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