come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
