I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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