JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
